Take A Report

Get it?… You can see the “edge of” her “seat” and she’s “biting” her “nails”… See how I tied in the title to the picture? That doesn’t just happen by chance, you know?

Anyhoo, this chick’s name is Annik Nayler… Nayler?… You bet I would!

See that? I did it again.

Ah, forget it.

Take a report.

-Large

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Jesus Christ! I hate to throw stones because I am certainly not winning any ribbons either … but how does this thing not just shoot itself in the face?

Imagine the personal ad:
SWF- 5′10″- long brown hair, green eyes, and full lips
Seeking someone who shares my affinity for peace and rooms painted in vibrant pastel colors.
Must love Shrek movies and the Shrek lifestyle.

Take a fucking report.

-Large

Legendary actress Faye Dunaway certainly looks like she’s grown old gracefully, but take a closer look at her fucking hands.

Jesus H. Christ! Getting a handjob from this raisin must feel like getting jerked-off by a pterodactyl… No thanks, Sweetheart. I’ll take care of myself.

Faye Dunaway… What the fuck happened to your hands?

Take a report.

-Large

I was watching the Hopkins/Calzaghe fight last weekend, and I saw Whitney Houston ringside with her new boo, Ray J, who also graced the crowd that night with his “soulful” rendition of our National Anthem. It always makes my patriotic heart swell with pride when I think of all the fine armed forces men and women overseas who are fighting to protect the freedom for Ray J to butcher our National Anthem on Pay-Per-View TV.

For those of you unfamiliar with Ray J, he’s the lustful young urbanite who starred in a sex tape with Kim Kardashian a few years back. Before that, he used to get his “fuck on” with Lil’ Kim, and his latest R&B single in nonsensically titled “Sexy Can I”.

After hearing him sing the anthem, I’m hoping he’s got 7 pounds of cock, because that brother aint got an ounce of talent.

Keep on fucking, Ray… and take another report.

-Large

Ganja. Large don’t smoke it and I only indulge to fight glaucoma. But for those of you who smoke for sport, a visit to Manhattan’s Hells Kitchen may be in order.

Bar 9 (9th Ave & 53rd St. - same place we had Christmas party/Iraq troop benefits) is hosting the free premier of the documentary “Super High Me” tomorrow (Wednesday, April 30) at 7pm.

Familiar with ‘Super Size Me’, where the guy eats nothing but McDonalds for 30 days? Now substitute burgers with weed - that’s “Super High Me”. The Oscar buzz is already forming. 

Kieran is promising complimentary munchies, drink specials, and the bum’s rush for white guys with dreadlocks. 

-admin

I may shit on the Italians from time to time, but they should know I do it out of love. And now, to makeup for past indiscretions, here’s my list of things that Italians do better than any other culture…

1) Eat… I like all foods, but think Italian is hands down the best cuisine on Earth.
2) “T’row” someone a beating.
3) Men’s hairstyles
4) Weathergirls

Take a report and “Cento anni!”

-Large

Absolutely nothing…Woof!

Take a report.

-Large

I’m certainly no role-model, but common sense dictates that if you’re a teenage billionaire pop princess like Miley Cyrus, who wants to maintain an innocent image, then you gotta stop having photos like this showing up on the internet.

How pumped is that little punk who’s lap she’s on? Even if it’s not true, you know he’s told anyone with ears that he finger-blasted Hannah Montana on the papasan chair in his parents’ basement.

And I know Miley just recently voiced her embarrassment over a Vanity Fair photo shoot, but I think this pic is the one she should be embarrassed about…

Nice rack, Tyrone.

Take a report.

-Large