Spare the lecture, spoil the intern
Haven’t wrote any bathroom commentary in a while, been jonesing to tell you about my dumps, so here goes…
Went to pick up lunch in the lobby the other day, but I stopped into the ground floor bathroom for a quick leak first. An intern walks in lugging 3 paper shopping bags full of chinese food. He walks past me at the urinal, puts the bags ON THE FLOOR two urinals away from me, and proceeds to take a leak.
Now I know for a fact that people piss all over the floor of this bathroom… I, myself, piss all over the fucking walls of that place every year after I get my bonus number.
I was tempted to say something to the kid… Nothing rude… Interns are often overwhelmed or just plain naive, and I thought he could use a tip from a wise old lunch-getting veteran. Plus I’d be doing a favor for the desk he was interning for, ’cause nobody likes to eat Chinese food that is dipped in urine. Then I recognized that he was an intern on the Sales Trading desk, so I held my tongue and said nothing… Fuck those douchebags.
Take a report.
-Large
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:10 am
That sucks…. that the Sales Traders now get chinese food. Sales Trading desk at ING in 2000 we only ordered Bobby Van’s steak sandwiches or Roast Beef Hash from Smith and Wolensky’s. The good old days.
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:10 am
Too bad you didnt catch him pissing in the duck sauce.
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:12 am
Sounds like that intern has a big future. No really. He’s four months away from taking three hour, two wine bottle lunches and lighting cuban cigars off his Porsche’s incandescent tail-light.
Fucking traders.
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:15 am
Did the intern have a lax tattoo?
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:15 am
true greatness large. i am assuming that the kid did not wash his hands either, then went about handing those guys their food and chopsticks
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:17 am
too bad he didn’t piss in the egg drop soup…all that sodium and msg nobody would’ve noticed
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:18 am
Did he prepare the cream of Sum Yung Guy soup while he was in there?
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:18 am
which was worse.. the pissy chinese food or the loss the sales trader took b/c of all the volume missed on the order Large was working while on his walk about?
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:19 am
Did he prepare the cream of Sum Yung Guy soup while in there?
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:19 am
Did he prepare the cream of Sum Yun Guy soup while in there?
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:21 am
All this on top of that Filthy fuckin Chinese chef who added his own personal touch..ala boogers.
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:22 am
I made sure it was dry where I placed the bags on the floor…..whats the big deal?!@?!!?
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:26 am
SOMEYOUNGUY
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:28 am
There are still sales traders around? Shit, I thought they went the way of their predecessor, the dodo bird.
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:28 am
How does the bathroom matter?
Do you really think fucking Charlie Chan sits there with Purell when he makes the shit? I’ve never seen an asian who looked like they took a shower within the last 3 years working in those places.
If you order from Shitty Wok, you get Shitty Wok.
The trading floor bathroom is the least of those guys problems.
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:28 am
nothing like a sprinkler piss after dropping a load
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:29 am
actually kind of appropriate bringing the chinese food to the bathroom before eating it. it’ll make its way back there about 30 minutes later.
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:32 am
sales trading or not, that kid needs to smarten the f’ up. it’s tight job market and that little punk is going to begging for a job in Sept. if i were him i would’ve ran to the desk while the food was hot. piss your pants, if need be, junior.
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:33 am
the Piss will go good with the Cat they will be served in their beef and broccoli
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:35 am
How many times have you felt like doing this to those bags of douche??
http://www.clipstr.com/videos/GuyJumpsDeskToTackleCoWorker/
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:39 am
is Yips still open downtown, remember getting that roach infested cat back in the 80’s as an intern…rumor has it they named it yips cause that was the last sound the cats made before Charlie killed them
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:43 am
large you should have pretending to stumble and piss all over the bags… the kids reaction would have been priceless
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:44 am
Happy 4th of July everyone… even you CrazyCraig
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:46 am
Charlie didn’t get much USO. He was dug in too deep or moving too fast. His idea of great R&R was cold rice and a little rat meat. He had only two ways home: death, or victory.
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:47 am
Corksuckingbastage you are SO right…you know that Charlie is in the back going “youuuu want special hot sauce, i geeeve special hot sauce”…and then does the one sided nostril blast right into the Moo Shoo Pork like a MLB relief pitcher after the last warm up pitch
July 3rd, 2008 at 10:53 am
wow thanks for the nice mental image sphincter, you really know how to make a dude sick, keep it up.
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:00 am
ok, i will…here goes
http://americasbestcomments.com/graphics/patriotic/comments7/pics_patriotic-34.jpg
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:02 am
sphincter, why do you have to put Large’s sister/Crazy Craig’s wife on here like that……that made me sick
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:03 am
Sphincter I am typing this from the floor.. hysterical.
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:05 am
sorry about the stuttering
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:05 am
i’d bang the crocs off of her
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:14 am
Gives new meaning to tympani role!
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:19 am
Me and Charlie eyeball to eyeball. The Man in the Black Pajamas, Dude…a worthy adversary.
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:24 am
BBQ chicken over fried rice at Yips. Remember it well. Why did they count how many pieces of cat they gave you? I am sure it wasn’t in short supply.
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:29 am
You want fried rice or white rice. HOW about yellow rice, thanks you stupid dick, next time hold your piss until the food is safe. HA HA for that desk.
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:33 am
Complements of Sphincter:
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:35 am
wow, a double gunt, thats a very rare species
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:42 am
who would win in an jello shot licking battle the double gunt or this??
[Nice work JC!]
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:52 am
I just hurled hotdog all over my neighbors cat!!
July 3rd, 2008 at 11:58 am
Just need one more for a truly Happy July 4th…..
http://isaacschrodinger.typepad.com/isaacschrodinger/images/dahm_triplets_with_american_flag_body_pa.jpg
July 3rd, 2008 at 12:05 pm
i don’t know what level douche bag we have to be to be here today but WTF?
July 7th, 2008 at 7:17 am
tell that kid to get out of there. in a year or two the poor bastard will be watching his paycheck get flushed after getting hit on some super large put out.
July 7th, 2008 at 8:48 am
YIP’s now you’re talking. For those of us who worked downtown in the mid 80’s and were not making a lot of coin, the Cat and broccoli in brown sauce lumped on top of the fried lice, with a bonus of an eggroll or some soup thrown in, filled you up nicely. I think the whole deal cost $3.50 then.
And, you DID NOT have to speak English to order. It was strictly a point at what you wanted, no English necessary, until u got to the end of that rapidly moving line, when the cashier would bark at you to hurry up and pay.