A real Dark Knight

Saw the new Batman movie the other night. Good flick… Not great…And I have a couple things that bugged me.

1) If Heath Ledger wins an Academy Award for his portrayal of The Joker it’s only because he’s a dead junkie, and Hollywood loves to canonize dead junkies. And the fact that he ass-banged another cowpoke onscreen last year only helps his chances. Playing someone who is gay or someone who is handicapped is your ticket to respect as far as Hollywood is concerned. If Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in Gilbert Grape was mentally retarded, blind, AND gay, then that piece of shit movie would
still be in theaters today.

2) Maggie Gyllenhaal replaced Tom Cruise’s wife as the female lead, and that girl is just plain old tough to look at. Her clothes were frumpy and you really can’t appreciate the size of her jowls until you see
them splayed across the big screen. I am not looking to bang anybody, but if you put a gun to my head – I’ll chose her brother.

And I’ve made this point before, but this movie was another perfect example… The 3 main male characters: Heath Ledger, mother-beating Christian Bale, and Aaron Eckhart are all good looking guys. Shit, I think you could make an argument to bed Morgan “Freckles” Freeman given the right lighting. So how come the fellas don’t get something pretty to look at?… All we get is droopy old Maggie Jellyhole?… It pisses me off.

Drink up, kid… Nobody else wants to.

Take a report.


60 Replies to “A real Dark Knight”

  1. I sort of liked her in the Secetary movie with James Spader. She was natsy in that. I agree she sucked in Batman.

  2. Is it just me or does Maggie Jellyhole look like Christina Ricci in “Penelope”?


  3. who is that homely twattt? of all the coke skanks in hollywood, where do they get these 4th tier actresses?

  4. I’d fuk Gary Busey before I fuk MG, Wait a minute.. I have fuked Gary Busey. Oh well – MG give me a call.

  5. Bottom Picture she has a size adams apple, receeding top hairlinee and hasdic like side burns starting to grow. Also, I bet her milk has gone bad.

  6. My thoughts exactly Eckhart and Bale can get any kind of strange they want, and they’re both ponying up to Mr. Magoo? It just doesn’t make sense.

  7. Keaton was the best batman…Bale killed it as P Bateman…no bid for Ledger in anything he’s done and won’t be missed in my house.

    I’d ass smash the the farm animal from yesterday before I touched Gylleendouche.

  8. so true, large. i can suspend my disbelief when it comes to jumping off buildings and high tech spying devices, but there’s no way i’m going to believe a billionaire that looks like christian bale can’t find a better piece than that to pine after.

  9. WTF. Maggie is freaking hot. I havent seen TDK so I dont know what she looks like in it, but she’s damn good looking.

    Granted, she should have shut her yap about 9/11 tho.

  10. She is a Cincinnati Bengal – “Great uniform, terrible helmet.” But who am I kidding, I’d suck that tit too!

  11. I think the kid’s going for a little feel with his right hand. It can’t be fudgepack mountain’s kid.

  12. [img]http://www.filmweb.no/bilder/multimedia/archive/00098/Maggie_Gyllenhaal_i__98612o.jpg[/img]

    Food For Thought. 9 makers marks deep I might consider. Normally a seller.

    [Nine makers marks before wacking off to this picture? Impressive.]

  13. MG is fucking ugly. They needed someone more like Jennifer Connolly. She’d be a hot lawyer.

  14. J Connelley was on a briefly lived show called “The Street” on ch. 5 in 2000. I think there were 4 episodes aired…she played some hot sales trader. Bid 4 SIZE

  15. J Connelley was in Requiem for a Dream and that movie was fucking sweet.

    I think Wesley Willis would whoop this batman’s black ass.

  16. EB: after watching her as a heroine addict in Requiem for a dream who’s BF dies in prison and she resorts to prostitution, I can no longer watch JC movies.

  17. Large should replace Cramer….was short CROX last week. Down 45% this morning. Any other stock tips?

  18. Gotta respectfully disagree on this one – I thought Heath cow-poke Ledger made a good Joker. Creepy as hell, but never really went over the top. I have no doubt his death will figure into the Oscar thing, but who gives a fuck? Those guys stopped honoring purely good movies and good performances a long time ago. Oscars have zero bearing on my willingness to see a movie…actually, that’s not true, there’s often an inverse relationship.

    Can’t agree more on Gyllenhall – aside from her hound dog jowels, what up with that nose? Looks like somebody grabbed onto it, yanked it up and to the left, and it stayed that way. Not pretty to look at on the big screen.

    Regarding Bale – did he have such a pronounced lisp in the last movie? I don’t remember it, and it bugged me during this one. Even with the lame gravelly voice Batman sounds like a pussy when he says, “Thith time I’ll thtop your nefariouth plans, Joker!”

  19. I agree with the Pirate. Enough to drink and you won’t think. In a line up, revert to the nofan rule. She’s a 7. 7 stiff ones and you wud.

  20. I like MG, for reasons pointed out by TW. (Thanks for that pic, by the way.) Sometimes, it fun to see a Hollywood chick who is “accessible”: meaning that there’s a small part of you that is pretty sure you could pick her up in a bar if you saw her there.

    Also, Deputy, thank you for that link. That is one of the best things I’ve read in a long time.

  21. Don’t be so fast to nail Bale. Seems his mother and sister were hitting him up for lots of cash. He got pissed and smacked them around a bit. Sister asked for $250k to start for her “kids.” Crack habit and pole smoking is more like it. Should have tossed them off the balcony.

  22. And to all you public breast feeders – Keep it in the circus, this ain’t phuking Animal Planet – PS – I am SOOOOOOOO long J. Connelly, was watching Blood Diamond last night jsut to see her for 5 min

  23. Regarding ‘ole Maggie, anyone who can want, and take, a spanking like the one she took in the ‘Secretary” can stick around.

  24. vertigo says:

    Don’t tell me how it ends, does Batman get the girl and kill the bad guy?


  25. i don’t get it, dick hertz. even with a baby attached to the nipple, do we really need to be discouraging women getting their tits out?

  26. I thought Ledger was tremendous as the Joker (never saw Hump Back Mountain and don’t plan on). Bale will always be Patrick Bateman, one of the best characters ever.

    Maggie is a basset hound, possible the most unconvicing casting job ever.

  27. Bale is ok as Batman but I love seeing him as Bruce Wayne. In the Dark Knight scenes when he’s playing Bruce Wayne I expected him to whip out his business card and say something like “I work on Wall St. At Pierce and Pierce. Also Bateman and Batman are only one letter apart, it’s like a parody waiting to happen

  28. Patrick M, strong.

    Everhard, so Batman loses to the villains? The dorks are going to stage a revolt that makes LA riots look tame.

  29. At the risk of being even lamer than some dude re-enacting a SNL skit, I feel the need for some Tyrone Porter (who would bank Swillenhole)

    Dark and lonely on a summer’s night.
    Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.
    Watchdog barking. Do he bite?
    Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.
    Slip in his window. Break his neck.
    Then his house I start to wreck.
    Got no reason. What the heck?
    Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.
    C-I-L-L my land lord!

  30. didn’t see dark knight but bale was great in american psycho. sounds like his circus clown mother and sister are a bunch of humps hitting him up for cash just as his movie hit the 155 million mark in the usa. now they are pressing charges because his mother fell down as she was saying shit about his wife. hey circus clown…take a report!

  31. I give Bale credit, his deadbeat mom and sister wanted to “teach him a lesson” after he yelled at them for asking for $200k for “her kids.” BS! He supposedly just flipped out, but didn’t lay a finger on thumb. They c an both take a report. He’s bruce freakin wayne

  32. FF McN – My experience has been that the bags these broads throw down for jr. to suckle on resemble those fake grenade water baloons I played w/ as a a kid – I’d never discourage the public appearance of some nice store boughts or natural gems

  33. nyeah, Charlie Babbott. That’s all Dustin Hoffman said in Rainman. Said it about a 1000x and glued his head to his shoulder for the whole movie and the world said he was a genius. Knickerbocker, please.

  34. buyer of JC. Requiem for a dream is prolly the most fucked up movie ive ever seen but the JC “ass to ass” scene was disturbingly erotic

  35. Harris Tweed:
    Don’t know how it tied into this post, but I enjoyed your reference. One of my all-time favorite Eddie Murphy bits.

    Don’t believe what everybody says, you’re all right.

  36. MG: Size Seller…JC: Size Buyer all day.
    That scene in Requiem is one of the greatest ever.
    “Ass to Ass”…and “I didn’t take it out so it could breathe”

  37. MG has the golfball in a sock thing going on with her boob. Looks like her baby is lifting it off her stomach.

  38. I know this makes me damn near gay, but it is worth noting how piss poor of a job she’s doing feeding that kindergartner. He’s probably getting more air than milk; that’ll pay some nice dividends.

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