What’s Moby Dick’s father’s name again?

It seems there’s a man in New York suing the makers of BOOST Energy Drink, saying the product was the reason he has had an erection lasting over 2 years.  Apparently the drink had set off a legit medical condition called “priapism” and this gentleman has gone through two invasive operations in hopes of easing his condition.

The management staff here at Takeareport (me) find this story fascinating on many levels, so I decided to send my 2 new roving reporters, David Hyde Pierce and John Amaechi, out into the field to get an interview with this afflicted man.

When I gave them this assignment, David Hyde Pierce said, “I’m on it, Large. Really, I AM ON IT.” Then John told me, “I’m all over this one, boss.” Then David said, “I’m gonna get a real feel for this one.” 

Then John said, “I’ll really get down to the nuts and bolts here.”  Then David said, “I’ll put this one to bed for sure.”  Then John said, “I’ll have a real taste for this one by the time I’m done.” Then David said,
“I might have to ride this one for a while before I can get to the bottom.” Then John said, “I’ll let this guy put pink ribbons in my hair and walk me on a leash, Large.” (not familiar with that expression) Then David said, “I’ll suck the skin off this one, chief.” So I said, “I get it guys! You’re gay! It’s cool… but now go get me an interview!”

When I asked our third new roving reporter, the recently unemployed Rosie O’Donnell, if she had any interest covering this story, she said, “Nah…. But maybe I can cover the 3 alarm blaze at the dildo
factory in Hoboken?” Yeah, sure. You do that, Rosie.

Random homosexual innuendo, take a report!

Oh. And by the way. TAR is now brought to you by our new
sponsor, BOOST Energy Drink… “BOOST Energy: We Give You Two-Year
Erections!”

-Large

3 Replies to “What’s Moby Dick’s father’s name again?”

  1. Long time reader, first time writer. Blog is very funny. If my man had a 2 year “boost”, i would be killing it every damn night. And you can take that to the motherfucking bank!

  2. Love the feedback, Jill.

    Maybe you could send a picture in. You know… would be nice to put a face with the name.

    -Large

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