Take A Report

Congratulations to the OSU Buckeyes. In the course of just one calendar year, THE Ohio State University has now lost 4 collegiate championship games. That’s fucking tough to do.

Here’s a recap:

- Smoked by Urban Meyer in the BCS Bowl last January
  - Owned by Florida AGAIN in the NCAA Basketball Finals in early April
  - Lost the NCAA Men’s Soccer Final to Wake Forest 2-1 in early December
  - Was fucking DOMINATED last night in the BCS Bowl by the LSU Tigers

They should blow up the BCS machine if it ever puts these punching bags in a final again. The bigger the stage, the more room Jim Tressel has to shit all over himself… Just terrible.

Take a report.

-Large

Allstate BCS Championship Game in New Orleans tonight… LSU(11-2) vs OSU (11-1)

Most people don’t agree with the match-up, but this is what the BCS leaves us with instead of a play-off.   
 
I hate Ohio State, but they are probably the best one loss team in the nation, losing only to an Illinois team that went on to get smoked in the Rose Bowl.  Granted, the Illini were in Pasadena only because of that victory in Columbus, but that was the only blip on the Buckeye radar. No one else came close to beating them, including Michigan State, who came up with a few key turnovers to pull within a TD late in the game.

Still, I’m gonna take a healthy LSU team and lay the 4 points.  These guys are basically playing at home, and I think Bo Pellini is gonna take the safety off those animals he is coaching on defense in his last game before he bolts for Nebraska…  If Mich State and Illinois were able to put pressure on OSU’s QB Todd Boeckman, then I think LSU’s Glen Dorsey is going to have a fucking field day.

Good luck and take a report.

-Large

Orange Bowl in Miami tonight… Va Tech vs Kansas.

I love a fat coach as much as the next guy, but the Hokies are too fast on both sides of the ball.

Kansas only played one good team this season (Mizzou) and they lost.

I’ll take Va Tech and lay the 3 points.

Good luck and take a report.

-Large

Fiesta Bowl in Glendale, AZ tonight… Oklahoma (11-2) vs West Virginia (10-2).

The final day of the regular season marked the most devastating loss in the history of West Virginia football when they shit the bed against lowly Pitt, thus pushing themselves out of contention for the BCS Champ game. Couple that with the fact that Rich Rodriguez bolted for Michigan, and these Mountaineers have had one pretty fucked up month.

I don’t think they beat a Sooner team that ranks 3rd in the nation in scoring, but I do think West Virginia’s 7th ranked scoring defense keeps it closer than a touchdown.

Plus, a loyal reader from Pennsylvania is taking her dad to the game, and told me the Mountaineers are a lock. Can’t go against a chick with a feeling.

Give me WV and the 7.5 points.

Good luck and take a report.

-Large

Cotton Bowl today in Dallas… Arkansas (8-4) vs Missouri (11-2).

I’ll take the Hogs and the 3.5 points.

Which one of these girls do you think is the sluttiest? The “S” certainly seems like she’s seen a bunch up close, but my money’s on “O”. She’s the only one wearing a denim skirt, which is basically “Slut-inese” for “Hike this thing up, and hit me from behind.”

Good luck to you and your Hogs and take a report.

Capital One Bowl in Orlando today … Michigan vs Florida.

A Heisman letdown for Tebow and the “Win one for Lloyd Carr” mantra is all bullshit… Michigan doesn’t have a shot.

I hate Urban Meyer (love his daughter, though), but he tends to beat up on Big 10 teams in BCS bowls. And I know 10.5 is alot of points but, fuck it, I’ll lay ‘em and take the Gators.

Plus, it’s in Orlando for Christ’s sake… that’s gotta help a Florida team, no?

Good luck to you and your Gators and take a report.

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Which brings us to…

The much anticipated Sugar Bowl in New Orleans tonight… Hawaii vs Georgia.

I DON’T CARE IF IT’S COLD - NO PANTS FOR YOU!!!

I think Georgia is playing some great football lately, and Colt Brennan and Company are pretty much fucked. Hangin’ loose don’t win SEC football games, brah.

I’ll take them Dawgs and and lay the 7.5.

Good luck Bulldogs and take a report.

-Large

Chik-fil-A Bowl in the Georgia Dome tonight has Clemson vs Auburn.

Auburn changed offensive coordinators after the regular season, hiring Tony Franklin from Troy on Dec. 12 to replace Al Borges, who resigned under pressure. Franklin was running a spread offense at Troy, while the Tigers have been using a West Coast scheme.

Who will call the plays? How much of the no-huddle spread was Franklin able to install in two weeks? I have no fucking idea, so I’ll take Clemson and lay the 2.5 points.

Good luck and take a report.

-Large

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Music City Bowl in Nashville has Kentucky vs Florida State.

Think this one was taken off the board for a while because the Seminoles are missing over 30 kids for this game, mainly because of a cheating scandal that involved 25 players (including 11 starters).  Perfect way to end the Bowden Era.

But it looks like there is a line again.  The Daily News has Kentucky -10, which I will gladly lay.  Tough to compete with that many missing.  Plus I really like that Woodson kid.

I’ll take the Wildcats in a blowout, and lay the points.

Good luck and take a report.

-Large

Holiday Bowl tonight in San Diego… Texas (9-3) vs Arizona State (10-2).

I like the Holiday Bowl, because it’s always the first real game of the post-season with a Big 12 team usually facing the runner-up in the Pac 10.

Can the Longhorns establish its dominance and make a statement going into 2008? Will the Sun Devils legitimize the Pac 10, and prove that they deserved to be in one of the big five bowls? I have no fucking idea. So let’s “ride the horse that got us here”, and make our pick based solely on the scattered ass shot I found to represent either school.

First ASU: Certainly an attractive young lady. And her proximity to a swing set shows her playful side. This Sun Devil personifies the Old Amish proverb, “When in doubt, go for the cut wife beater and cotton panties.”

Now for a looksee at a proper Texas Longhorn coed:

Hmm, tough to beat. Her heaving school spirit stuffed into a flimsy tank, that taut tummy built for report taking, and those sexy black panties built for…removing.

I gotta go with the Longhorns laying 2.5 pts here. No offense to the ladies of ASU, but you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Take a report.

-Large