Take A Report

Probably gonna make my way over to Bar 9 later tonight. So if you have absolutely nothing better to do, you might as well stop by and have a drink on me.

I hope that drink stays cold, ’cause warm champagne tends to taste like shit.

Take a report.

-Large

What: Fundraiser for Wounded Warrior Project, featuring the music of Mad Larry & Friends, plus Lt. Pat (Bayonet Company) is back from Iraq. NO COVER or any bullshit, just a good time.
Where: Bar 9, 53rd St. 9th Ave
When: Tonight 7pm & on
Who: your moms
Why: to post pictures on TAR
How: Off-duty watering hole for strippers
Again: Eat balls

It’s Christmas Eve.  Share something sweet with someone you love.

Take a report.

-Large

I hear this elf slides down on Santa’s hog as quickly as shit flies off a shovel.

Good for him, but I bet that middle sleighbell between her thighs smells like an old tuna can.

Take a report.

-Large

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With 2 young sons my wife and I have a baby thermometer with a cover that reads in big bold print - “FOR RECTAL USE ONLY”… For some reason I think this “Christmas cooze” might have a similar sign hanging above her bed.

Take a report.

-Large

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Maybe I’m crazy, but isn’t this chick almost frowning in the pic on the left? She doesn’t really crack a smile until she turns around and shows us the crack of her ass. That subtle nuance tells you alot about a person, if you ask me. Namely, that she enjoys “it” in the seat.

And with all those sleigh-bells on her bra and squirrel cover, banging her must sound like that Manheim Steamroller album.

Take a report.

-Large

Funny, but I find that I am buying a lot of Christmas gifts this year for people I hate. 

It’s strange, but there are some friends and relatives that I wouldn’t give the Heimlich to, but all of a sudden the Holidays come around and I find myself buying presents for them.  This doesn’t sit well. 

I think I have a solution… Recalled toys.  Most of the douchebags on my list have kids and there are more recalled toys this year than ever.  I’ll just run down to Chinatown, buy some of these dangerous trinkets, and give them to the kiddies.  If that don’t send a message, then I don’t know what will.

And when your kid opens up a gift from me containing more lead than JFK’s head, then rethink my invite to your barbecue this summer…’Cause you’re a douche.

(Hope Little Timmy enjoys the lawn darts!)

Take a report.

-Large

A female snowman… Cute.

I bet she’s used to juggling the old snow-balls… Know what I’m saying? And by the look on her face, I think I know where she’s hiding the corn-cob pipe.

Take a report.

-Large