Take A Report

Underdog Notre Dame beat the Stanford Cardinals in Palo Alto Saturday night, making this year’s Irish squad the first ND team to end a season with a 2 game winning streak since a Lou Holtz coached team did it in 1992. Momentum for these boys should be positive going into next season, especially since they won’t have to worry about any of those “pesky” bowl games.

In a post-game press conference, Chuck Weis said he will “vow” to enter Spring practice “at least 5 to 7 pounds lighter” to show his “undying commitment to next year’s team”.

Then on Sunday, Weis told the South Bend Tribune that he would “hope” to enter Spring practice “at least 2 1/2 to 4 pounds lighter”.

Now, this morning Charlie is quoted on his website as saying he will be “no heavier than he is right now” by the time Spring has sprung. He then gives a recipe on how to stuff a turkey with nothing but White Castle cheeseburgers.

Take a report.

-Large

Saw alot of football this weekend, both college and pro, and I have to say there are certain traditions in the college game that the pros just can’t match.

I watched all of the ND vs Navy game on Saturday, which was one of my winning picks from Friday (2 and 1 again this week, bitches!).  Pretty pathetic that it was so competitive considering the average Midshipman is 5′6″/165 lbs,  but the outcome of the game isn’t important.  What I liked is that after the defeat, the whole ND team went over to Navy’s end-zone and stood behind the Middies as their band played the Naval Academy fight song.  And then every Navy player walked back across the field and stood behind the Irish as their fight song was played.  Real classy tradition from two long-time opponents, no matter how lopsided the rivalry has been. 

The only thing that sullied the whole display was that Charlie Weis kept sneaking leftover Halloween candy he had tucked underneath his left breast.

Take a report.

-Large

Notre Dame has got to put those green jerseys into mothballs. 

The team donned the commemorative jerseys as they took the field on Saturday.  And then they preceded to get absolutely bitch-slapped by USC, losing 38-0.

It made sense a couple of years ago, because the green really brought out the color in Brady Quinn’s dreamy eyes.  But this year maybe the Irish should spend more time crafting some offensive plays, and less time designing their wardrobe… Just a thought.

Weis mentioned in his post-game conference that his team was beat by a “very good USC team” that was “very well coached.” 

Actually, Charlie, this is an overrated Trojan squad that has already lost to Stanford and has been decimated by injuries… including a broken finger to their starting QB John David Booty, who saw no play time on Saturday.

The best thing that can happen right now in South Bend would be for Weis to have a  massive coronary at the local Baskin&Robbins, which would open up the way for the Irish to hire that guy from Friday Night Lights. 

Take a report.

-Large

The University of Notre Dame football team finally got off the schneid this weekend by winning it’s first game of the season.  

The lowly Irish travelled to UCLA and won 20-6.  It was only the second time Notre Dame had played in Pasadena.  Knute Rockne’s “Four Horsemen” defeated coach Pop Warner’s Stanford team 27-10 in the 1925 Rose Bowl to give the Irish their first undisputed national championship.

This time, the win puts the Irish at 1-5, thus making them eligible for a BCS Bowl.

The 3 Notre Dame sophomores pictured above celebrated their team’s win in true “Charlie-Weis-Style” by demolishing everything on the menu at the nearest IHOP.

Next up for ND is a trip to South Bend for fellow Catholic-college, BC, to prove which school God truly loves more.  Meanwhile, Yeshiva University students (or “chosen people”, as they are often referred as) will be resting easy knowing that their God is the one true God.

Take a report.

-Large

Notre Dame (0-5) joins Colorado St, Marhall, LA-Monroe, LA-Laffayette,
Utah St, Rice, and Florida Int’l as the only teams left in D-1 football without a win.

They did, however, cover the spread for the first time in 9 games (dating back to last season) after Purdue “squeaked” out a 14 point win. I had Purdue, in what turned out to be another horrible gambling weekend for me.  So for anyone out there who is complaining about my picks,
please feel free to blow me… If I lose any more money this season, I’m gonna have to start selling my semen again.

Take a report on me.

-Large 

Chicago , IL (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Cook County courtroom drama yesterday as he challenged a court ruling he felt endangered his welfare.  The youngster, having endured serial beatings from his parents, was remanded to an aunt in accordance of state law.

The seven-year old then shocked the court with numerous claims of abuse at the hands of his aunt. When Appellate State Judge Seamus G. Murphy then ordered the boy to live with his grandparents, the boy cited a litany of severe beatings from the elderly couple. 

Realizing the scope of domestic violence ingrained in this boy’s family, Judge Murphy took the unprecedented step of granting temporary custody of the boy to the University of Notre Dame’s Football Team; whom both judge and boy deem a non-threat to beat anyone.  Take a report. -Large

Notre Dame quarterback Demetrius Jones has enrolled at the University of Northern Illinois and intends to play there next season, according to a source. Jones started Notre Dame’s season opener against Georgia Tech, but was pulled before the end of the first half and had not played since. He did not join Notre Dame on its road trip to Michigan, so the highlight of his season was being spared that 38-0 shellacking. (more…)

ABC Sports has asked both Notre Dame and Michigan this week to reschedule their Saturday showdown to 7:30 AM in order to free up atime slot for the University of Rhode Island vs. New Hampshire field hockey game.

There’s no way Michigan goes 0-3 in the Big House and, not that it matters, but is Michigan ever gonna play a road game this year?

In a press conference Wednesday Charlie Weis vowed, win or lose, he is gonna absolutely KILL the buffet at the local Ponderosa Steakhouse afterwards.

Take a report.

-Large