Take A Report

Mere days after Large proclaimed him history’s 3rd greatest athlete, we learn that Kevin Duckworth has taken the ultimate report.

It’s sad the way things work sometimes. If asked I couldn’t have told you what team Duckworth played for. Then Large, whose penchant for recognizing greatness is matched only by his adroit handling of motor scooters, recognizes this man’s lifetime achievements on Takeareport…and he dies a week later.

Did Duckworth, on some level, deem his life complete and lose the will to live? Is there a TAR “curse” in play? (Be careful, Sam)

Spooky.

Rest in peace and take a report.

-admin

Dungaree bikini?… Don’t see many of them anymore. She somehow pulls it off though, don’t you think?

Take a report.

-Large

With 9/11 fast approaching, I have a small observation.

I took the PATH train into the World Trade Center Station last week, and that was the first time I’ve had to do that since the towers came down. Now maybe I’m just an overly emotional guy, but that train now runs through what I should realize is a construction site, but what my mind still sees as some sort of archeological dig. For all the time and money that’s been pumped into the new construction, there really hasn’t been much progress. And as a result, the PATH runs right through a scene that is awfully reminiscent of the rescue effort back in 2001.

Is it too Pollyanna’ish to think maybe they should construct some sort of make-shift tunnel that’s plastered with murals and shit right up until the time the train pulls into the platform… Just so commuters don’t get a daily reminder of the destruction that took place?

And one other thing… Why isn’t 9/11 a national holiday yet? Wouldn’t it be nice, especially for the thousands of us who work(ed) downtown, to spend that day with our families remembering how lucky we were to get out of that place alive?

Just a thought.

Take a report.

-Large

Take a report.

-Large

I was talking to a some random guy the other day, and he was about to describe his laid-back office environment as “chill” or “relaxed”. But instead of simply using one of those acceptable terms, he opted to describe the place as “chill-laxed”.

I let it slide, but when people use terms like that it gives me this tingly sensation of embarrassment for them, accompanied by a face that looks like i just received an ice cold enema.

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you’re talking to a stranger, just stick to the script “bro-seph”.

Now grab a card on your way out…

Take a report.

-Large

This week’s Ass From The Past was recommended by an old friend of mine, and it’s the lovely and vivacious, Donna Dixon…

Best remembered for her portrayal of “Sonny” on TV’s Bosom Buddies, she is also a former Miss Virginia, was KISS front-man Paul Stanley’s slam-piece for a short while, and has been married to that tub of goo Dan Aykroyd for almost 25 years.

— SIDE BAR THAT NOONE BUT ME MAY FIND INTERESTING: The version of Billy Joel’s “My Life”, that played over the opening credits for Bosom Buddies was sang by co-star Tom Hanks. —

Donna just recently turned 51 years-old, and is still looking like a beauty queen… Well, except for the pocket of fat surrounding her armpit… But she is 51 for Christ’s sake, so lets cut her a little slack.

Congrats, Double-D, and take a report.

-Large

You ever meet someone who’s name just doesn’t go with either their looks or personality?

And I know I got lucky with my parents naming me “Large”, and all. But keep in mind that I was a very big newborn (14 pounds 6 ounces), so I think they knew I was genetically predisposed to be a man of considerable size.

But how about these 2 Girls-I-Found-Today?

The first is Sarah Mutch, and I don’t know alot about her, but she doesn’t strike me as a “Mutch”… She looks more like a “Destiny Romijn Fritana”, or something.

And the second is Michele Merkin, which is unique because I believe a “merkin” is a pubic wig…

What’s ironic here is that from this angle it seems that Michele has gone through great efforts to rid herself of any pubic hair even though she is named after a replacement of just that sort of thing. Still, it must make her family proud that she has kept her real name. So you could go as far as to say she is…

Have a good weekend everybody, and don’t forget to take your reports.

-Large

This one is gonna make the rounds. Most the goods are in the first half of this clip:

1) Nice to see Tiki Barber reminded “yet again” of his impeccable retirement planning.

2) Tiki clearly calls his ditzy co-host a “total medal cunt”. This guy is bitter beyond tears, despite that wide toothy smile he loves to flash. Good for him, great for us, yet not so hot for his resume.

Keep faking that grin Tiki Barber and take a report.

- admin